Sometimes you've got to really hand it to the Hollywood Injustice League.  You know:  male run Hollywood?  So myopic and misogynistic are these filmmakers that they can't figure out how to get Wonder Woman back to any sized screen.

In this article Joss Whedon (AVENGERS) speaks of the Rubik's cube of producing new Wonder Woman media --
"It is hard. She’s a tough nut to crack," Whedon told EW. "I know she's famous as a television show, but I don’t think she lends herself to television. I think she only works on an epic scale."
It's alarming how many layers of stupid are in this comment.  The more asinine qualities of this statement may elude those as not versed in TV and comic history of Wonder Woman, so let me drop some basic history down before we proceed.

In order to have a coherent discussion about Wonder Woman -- we must face facts.  The character is not a hard nut to crack.  There's no mystery here.  Wonder Woman is a piece of ass.  Pardon my crudeness, but if we don't call a Barbie Doll a Playboy Bunny or a Super Model a Hottie -- how can we have a serious discussion on this subject?

I've read more comics than most people.  Yet I haven't read one Wonder Woman comic.  The likely reason is this --
This is not the woman that stops an alien invasion.  She doesn't protect the big city from the likes of Lex Luthor or The Joker.  This is the woman the Bellagio sends up to the penthouse suite to offer a guest a 'relaxing massage'.

A piece of ass.  Nothing more, nothing less.  (That's not how I see women, mind you, but Hollywood and our culture do.)

Don't get me wrong.  Actress Lynda Carter couldn't have been more beautiful to my blinking teenaged eyes back in the day.  Anyone watching this show during this period wasn't in it for the story.  Don't kid yourself.  She was eye cotton candy.

So before the likes of Joss Whedon wax poetic about cracking the great mystery of reviving Wonder Woman -- one must first admit that Wonder Woman never was.  No one has read her comics.  No one seriously values that 70
sshow.   She's never been a part of our cultural zeitgeist the way Superman and Batman have been for decades.

Why?  Need I be crude again?  Wonder Woman was created by men, for men, period.  She's not alone in this honor, unfortunately.  As most male comic heroes ripple with muscle, their female counterparts are built like pornstars. 

What got my goat about the above article is that they asked Joss Whedon his opinion on this subject.  Sure, it says he was attached to bring Wonder Woman to the big screen, and so on the surface he sounds like just the man to ask this question. 

Not to mention his AVENGERS credentials.  Right?  Right...?

Please.
Did you see THE AVENGERS?  I gather nearly everyone has at this point, but did anyone actually pay attention while watching this juvenile piece?  Was there something about the female characters (all one of them?) that made sense to hire Joss Whedon to direct Wonder Woman?  Did he demonstrate some ability to transcend Hollywood hormonal patriarchy?  

Not in the slightest.

Forgive me for not recalling the few women in AVENGERS.  I've been blessed by a brain that has purged most of that sad movie completely from memory.   It went through my system like Taco Bell.  However I do recall that Whedon hired a piece of ass to play Black Widow -- or am I supposed to pretend that Scarlett Johansson is a truly a great actress?

The reason why everyone from teenagers to Woody Allen go GA GA for this 'girl'?  A picture saves a thousand wolf calls.
Who cares if she reads her lines lifeless and wooden?  If you're a typical male, you don't listen to such women anyway.   All you hear is that imaginary voice in your head you pretend belongs to these women -- whispering sexy sweet nothings.

The fact that Joss Whedon cast Johansson in this role disqualifies him from directing Wonder Woman.  Whedon is happy to sell out women and take the Lynda Carter route.  It's an extremely profitable road to take, sure, but again it means Joss Whedon has absolutely no business commenting on how hard the Wonder Woman nut is to crack.  He's clueless.

Does anybody besides me remember this 'wonder woman' --
That's right.  Jennifer Garner of ALIAS.  She won a Golden Globe for her acting in that role.  For her ability to hold up an entire series -- for five seasons -- on her shoulders instead of within her cleavage.  In a patriarchal industry and culture. 

If this woman isn't a wonder -- who is?

No, I'm not suggesting she should play Wonder Woman now.  I mean, sure, perhaps she could, in the Dark Knight Returns sort of way, but my real point here is how did she get to be a Wonder Woman-ish character?  Who made that happen?

J.J. Abrams.  ALIAS was his baby.  He understands super heroic women.   If you ask me, he's one of the few men in Hollywood who has earned the right to answer the question regarding 'the great mystery of Wonder Woman'.

The crime here is that he's busy working on STAR WARS -- a series more plastic than the new iPhone 5c.  Joss Whedon should be working on that dreck and J.J. Abrams should be fleshing out Wonder Woman -- finally -- for the first time.  Or really, putting some of her flesh away and building a character that can stand on her own two boots.

But don't take my word.  Here's Lynda Carter herself on the subject --
"Maybe they need a female writer who gets it. I've often tried not to say that, but I think it's the truth."
... or at least a male writer who doesn't hold complete contempt for women. 

There's about six of us in Hollywood.



Leave a Reply.